During enforced independent play time today, Ezekiel played with a transformer, an etch-e-sketch, a puzzle, and dressed up in his winter gear all while crying about how much he didn't want to play by himself. Tough life kid.
Wednesday, January 19, 2011
Crying While Playing
During enforced independent play time today, Ezekiel played with a transformer, an etch-e-sketch, a puzzle, and dressed up in his winter gear all while crying about how much he didn't want to play by himself. Tough life kid.
Tuesday, January 18, 2011
Scheduling
Here's the schedule I made for Ezekiel. Lest anyone think I'm super organized or on top of things, let's be clear that I haven't actually followed the chart for a single day since I made it two weeks ago. On the up side, I have a clear list of things in my head that could fill a day, or an hour. And I have a clear list of things that I care about doing everyday. So thats a start. And today we've begun talking about days of the week.
Monday, January 17, 2011
My Heart Swells
Tonight Ezekiel hopped up from the table saying he was all done. As he took off his bib he said, "Thanks for making dinner for me Mom." Hello! I've never even asked him to say that before. Just straight from his little heart.
Since the week before Christmas, we've been doing 'readings' with Ezekiel. he picks a Bible story and we pick a prayer (The Lord's Prayer) and do a little catechism memory work. Then he gets a piece of candy (chocolate). A couple days ago I was saying the Lord's Prayer when he busted in on me and completed the daily bread line before I could say it. I was stunned as I had no idea he'd memorized any of it. Tonight he completed each line as Patrick recited it and he got each word right except that he replaced 'temptation' with 'heaven'. We tried not to snicker but mostly we could barely contain our pride.
When you ask Ezekiel why we eat candy at Christmas, he says 'because the gospel is sweet.' How cute is that?
I truly wish I understood why he's in such a jolly mood one day and so impossible the next. What is it that makes the difference? I'm guessing I'm not the first mom to be baffled by this mystery which is perhaps why its been chalked up to something as ludacris as getting up on the wrong side of the bed. I suppose I shouldn't try to understand things about my kid that I don't even understand about myself.
Since the week before Christmas, we've been doing 'readings' with Ezekiel. he picks a Bible story and we pick a prayer (The Lord's Prayer) and do a little catechism memory work. Then he gets a piece of candy (chocolate). A couple days ago I was saying the Lord's Prayer when he busted in on me and completed the daily bread line before I could say it. I was stunned as I had no idea he'd memorized any of it. Tonight he completed each line as Patrick recited it and he got each word right except that he replaced 'temptation' with 'heaven'. We tried not to snicker but mostly we could barely contain our pride.
When you ask Ezekiel why we eat candy at Christmas, he says 'because the gospel is sweet.' How cute is that?
I truly wish I understood why he's in such a jolly mood one day and so impossible the next. What is it that makes the difference? I'm guessing I'm not the first mom to be baffled by this mystery which is perhaps why its been chalked up to something as ludacris as getting up on the wrong side of the bed. I suppose I shouldn't try to understand things about my kid that I don't even understand about myself.
Saturday, January 15, 2011
Wednesday, January 12, 2011
Let's Play
Most afternoons I am ready to lose my mind by 3:00. Today Patrick was home and I decided to take Ezekiel out for a little alone time with Mama. We hadn't been by ourselves since Zipporah was born and I think we were both missing our time together without realizing it.
We did a quick return and purchase at Target and then headed for the Coldstone Creamery. On the way there I told Ezekiel how much I enjoyed being with him. He firmly said I did not. I thought he didn't understand me and I rephrased to tell him the same thing a different way. Again, he was emphatic that I did not. We repeated this once more and then I asked him if he thought I didn't enjoy him. Yep. That's what he meant. When I asked him why he thought that he said it was because he didn't obey me and I just said to obey. Ouch.
I recently finished 'How to Really Love Your Child' by Ross Campbell. The book is great and I especially appreciated many parts of it. But the part that sprang to mind was Campbell's insistence that discipline should only be one dimension of our relationship with our children and a small one at that. I whole-heartedly agreed with him and went down a mental check list of all the other ways Ezekiel and I relate. Self congratulated and kept reading.
I've always been careful to tell Ezekiel ahead of time what I expect of him and what will happen if he disobeys. I think its only fair for kids to know the boundaries ahead of time and the consequences of crossing the boundary so that they are empowered to make their own choices. I still think this is a pretty good technique but I think I've probably not been creating enough opportunities for him to play without the preliminary instructions.
At Chik fil A: Don't spit on the other children and make sure you come to me when I call or we will have to leave.
At the store: You can walk if you obey me and stay right with me. If you disobey, you'll have to ride in the cart.
At church: You can either listen to what your teacher tells you or can sit in church with us.
At the park: You must take turns with the toys and share or we will have to sit in timeout together.
At home: You can choose to clean up your toys or lose them.
You get the picture. I wonder if my efforts at clear communication, clear expectations, and clear choices has resulted in him just feeling threatened all the time or in him feeling like our relationship is built on very serious conversations about rules. I see Ezekiel trying to hard to obey and do things just right. He tries to understand what's going on around him and to see ways to help me without being asked. He is so good until he just snaps and then its like he loses the will to try and he does whatever he wants. I can tell he feels guilty for disobeying but he doesn't have the self control to do the right thing.
This parenting stuff is hard!
To continue the story of today, we went for ice cream. Ezekiel chose the blue ice cream with M&Ms and I chose a small cup of something considerably less colorful. We ate together and I made a point not to criticize or tell him the boundaries while I pondered our conversation. He told me he wanted to sit in a chair. To use napkins. To not make a mess. He said sorry each time he dripped. Asked politely if I could help him with the mess. Said thank you when I complied. We had a pleasant trip to the bathroom and an easy time loading up the car.
At the park I ran around, chased, tickled, tagged, rode the slide, and generally acted like an energetic kid with him. We took turns leading the way. 'You better run or I'm gonna get you.' 'Ride the slide with me Mom.' So on and so forth. No one told anyone how to behave or what the rules were. We just played together and had a blast. At dinner I told him again how much I enjoyed hanging out with him today and he smiled and nodded and said 'yeah.' Phew. I'm so glad he seemed to believe me this time!
So that was the long way of saying that I feel pretty convicted about trying to manage too much. Not every activity needs a rule sheet. And I need to create a lot more activities where Ezekiel leads and I follow and where we can just enjoy each other without a recitation of all the things he must do or not do. Campbell talks about the vital importance of a kid knowing he is unconditionally loved and accepted through things like eye contact, physical touch, and quality time together. He says that discipline shouldn't be attempted if those things aren't in place. Today I realized that I need to keep better tabs on myself and not slip into the mode of letting discipline and behavior expectations be the primary way we relate.
Geez! He's only just turned three and I think I've already screwed him up.
I also think I need to go to the park more often during the long afternoons. Its been so cold here that I've been hesitant to take Zipporah out. I'm not sure how I'll run around and chase Zeke with Zippy in tow but I'm sure I'll find a way. I'm sure that the time playing together will keep my energy levels higher, build good memories between me and Zeke, and keep us from being destructive with mutual bad behavior at home. Hopefully I can think of other ways for us to play and build up the unconditional love and acceptance part of our relationship.
We did a quick return and purchase at Target and then headed for the Coldstone Creamery. On the way there I told Ezekiel how much I enjoyed being with him. He firmly said I did not. I thought he didn't understand me and I rephrased to tell him the same thing a different way. Again, he was emphatic that I did not. We repeated this once more and then I asked him if he thought I didn't enjoy him. Yep. That's what he meant. When I asked him why he thought that he said it was because he didn't obey me and I just said to obey. Ouch.
I recently finished 'How to Really Love Your Child' by Ross Campbell. The book is great and I especially appreciated many parts of it. But the part that sprang to mind was Campbell's insistence that discipline should only be one dimension of our relationship with our children and a small one at that. I whole-heartedly agreed with him and went down a mental check list of all the other ways Ezekiel and I relate. Self congratulated and kept reading.
I've always been careful to tell Ezekiel ahead of time what I expect of him and what will happen if he disobeys. I think its only fair for kids to know the boundaries ahead of time and the consequences of crossing the boundary so that they are empowered to make their own choices. I still think this is a pretty good technique but I think I've probably not been creating enough opportunities for him to play without the preliminary instructions.
At Chik fil A: Don't spit on the other children and make sure you come to me when I call or we will have to leave.
At the store: You can walk if you obey me and stay right with me. If you disobey, you'll have to ride in the cart.
At church: You can either listen to what your teacher tells you or can sit in church with us.
At the park: You must take turns with the toys and share or we will have to sit in timeout together.
At home: You can choose to clean up your toys or lose them.
You get the picture. I wonder if my efforts at clear communication, clear expectations, and clear choices has resulted in him just feeling threatened all the time or in him feeling like our relationship is built on very serious conversations about rules. I see Ezekiel trying to hard to obey and do things just right. He tries to understand what's going on around him and to see ways to help me without being asked. He is so good until he just snaps and then its like he loses the will to try and he does whatever he wants. I can tell he feels guilty for disobeying but he doesn't have the self control to do the right thing.
This parenting stuff is hard!
To continue the story of today, we went for ice cream. Ezekiel chose the blue ice cream with M&Ms and I chose a small cup of something considerably less colorful. We ate together and I made a point not to criticize or tell him the boundaries while I pondered our conversation. He told me he wanted to sit in a chair. To use napkins. To not make a mess. He said sorry each time he dripped. Asked politely if I could help him with the mess. Said thank you when I complied. We had a pleasant trip to the bathroom and an easy time loading up the car.
At the park I ran around, chased, tickled, tagged, rode the slide, and generally acted like an energetic kid with him. We took turns leading the way. 'You better run or I'm gonna get you.' 'Ride the slide with me Mom.' So on and so forth. No one told anyone how to behave or what the rules were. We just played together and had a blast. At dinner I told him again how much I enjoyed hanging out with him today and he smiled and nodded and said 'yeah.' Phew. I'm so glad he seemed to believe me this time!
So that was the long way of saying that I feel pretty convicted about trying to manage too much. Not every activity needs a rule sheet. And I need to create a lot more activities where Ezekiel leads and I follow and where we can just enjoy each other without a recitation of all the things he must do or not do. Campbell talks about the vital importance of a kid knowing he is unconditionally loved and accepted through things like eye contact, physical touch, and quality time together. He says that discipline shouldn't be attempted if those things aren't in place. Today I realized that I need to keep better tabs on myself and not slip into the mode of letting discipline and behavior expectations be the primary way we relate.
Geez! He's only just turned three and I think I've already screwed him up.
I also think I need to go to the park more often during the long afternoons. Its been so cold here that I've been hesitant to take Zipporah out. I'm not sure how I'll run around and chase Zeke with Zippy in tow but I'm sure I'll find a way. I'm sure that the time playing together will keep my energy levels higher, build good memories between me and Zeke, and keep us from being destructive with mutual bad behavior at home. Hopefully I can think of other ways for us to play and build up the unconditional love and acceptance part of our relationship.
Tuesday, January 11, 2011
First Cold
You know you have a happy baby on your hands when she smiles at you while you suction her nose with one of those bulb thingys. She sounds terrible but we've been assured this is nothing alarming and that she is able to fight it off. So we wait. And I barely sleep. Not because she's fussy or anything but because she keeps gargling on her snot and I'm terrified she's going to quit breathing or something. Poor baby. Sneezing and coughing while you sleep is no fun. Even if you do insist on smiling through the ordeal.
Chik Fil A
I have to admit, I love Chik Fil A. I love that their meat is hormone and antibiotic free. I love that they greet me at the door with a rolling highchair to rest the baby carrier on. I love that they come to the table with offers to refill my drinks, bring me napkins, extra sauces, etc. I love that they have a sound proof play area. I think that if I visit any more often, they are going to get a plaque with my name made to go on 'my' table. The one right in front of the play area glass. The one that is actually a booth so that Zipporah can take her morning nap on the bench while Ezekiel plays! I wonder how long that ill last.
We met friends there today and Ezekiel threw a boy's action figure over the netting into the no-play portion of the play area. The friends burst into tears and Ezekiel felt quite helpless about what to do. Within minutes another friend had told on him and I went in to see if I was needed. Ezekiel apologized and we went together to ask the Chik Fil A people if they could get behind the play structure to retrieve the action figure. On our way home, at least an hour later, Ezekiel said sorry to me for throwing the action figure. I wondered if he'd been feeling bad all morning instead of feeling forgiven. How do you teach a child to 'feel' forgiven? When I asked he said he got caught up in the excitement of so many friend and threw the action figure without really thinking. He felt pretty bad about it. How do you help a three year old process grown up emotions?
Yesterday we all trooped into the doctor's office to make sure Zipporah's raspy breathing and wet cough were a simple cold and nothing more serious. Whew. Good thing Patrick met us there. The office was small and we had to wait for an hour. Note to self: next time bring books and toys. Zipporah is fine but I'm still trying to figure out how other mamas handle three years old and infant alone at the doctor.
We met friends there today and Ezekiel threw a boy's action figure over the netting into the no-play portion of the play area. The friends burst into tears and Ezekiel felt quite helpless about what to do. Within minutes another friend had told on him and I went in to see if I was needed. Ezekiel apologized and we went together to ask the Chik Fil A people if they could get behind the play structure to retrieve the action figure. On our way home, at least an hour later, Ezekiel said sorry to me for throwing the action figure. I wondered if he'd been feeling bad all morning instead of feeling forgiven. How do you teach a child to 'feel' forgiven? When I asked he said he got caught up in the excitement of so many friend and threw the action figure without really thinking. He felt pretty bad about it. How do you help a three year old process grown up emotions?
Yesterday we all trooped into the doctor's office to make sure Zipporah's raspy breathing and wet cough were a simple cold and nothing more serious. Whew. Good thing Patrick met us there. The office was small and we had to wait for an hour. Note to self: next time bring books and toys. Zipporah is fine but I'm still trying to figure out how other mamas handle three years old and infant alone at the doctor.
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